A woman walking with Christ

Living by faith, not by sight

Gay Pride 2013
John and I went to the beach yesterday. As we were driving, we saw a LOT of people on the beach enjoying some festitivies. Our discussion focused on the people around us. They seemed to be having a good time. I noticed that there were a LOT of men dressed in speedos. Some of the men had noticeable feminie gestures. I was getting confused by this but never put two and two together. As we continued driving, I spotted a HIV rapid testing bus. There was a sign pointing to a bus that provided testing for HIV. This was very strange, so I took a picture. I asked John.
"Why is an HIV bus here?" He laughed at me and said it was probably because so many young people are out and about having sex with each other. Anyways, we kept driving and there are MORE openly gay people walking the streets, holding hands. Then all of a sudden...I see a car that said "Pride 2013" and BOOM..it clicked.
We were in the midst of the 2013 Gay pride festivities. How did we manage to do that?
In my surprise and disbelief, I tell John and he gets completely disgusted. He rolls his window up and tries his best to keep his eyes averted from everyone. I start looking around and paying more attention and sure enough, the signs are there.
"Born this way" signs.
Rainbow colored flags, and kites
"Pride 2013" written on cars (or at least that one)
Lots of speedos
Lots of women dressed as men
same sex people holding hands
Yes. We were traveling through gay pride 2013.

Loking at their behavior and the image they were representing was very disheartening. As a Christian woman, I know that their behavior is an abomination to God. But instead of me feeling anger or disgust towards most of it, I felt only sympathy and sorrow.
We finally got to our beach location and met another woman. They were talking to us about the traffic and issues over in Ft. Walton beach. We explained that it was due to Gay Pride 2013. The disgust on her face was shocking. Another older couple chimed in and they were just as disguted. The first lady, I'll call her P....was so disgusted she asked if they were coming to our area. I explained maybe not but this is where they are having their party..Pensacola Beach.
I found out a few minutes later that this woman attended church. She wanted to invite us to her church but it was outside of Hattiesburg. While we were talking, I started to think..
The homosexual community is looked upon as evil, degenerate, nasty and unworthy of any love, compassion or mercy. Especially from us Christians. We persecute them before getting a chance to know them. And I know for sure, that these are the very people who God YEARNS to be redeemed. These are the very people he wants to turn and be saved. If this is His desire, why is it not ours? Why do Christians get so disgusted and SHUN homosexuals? No wonder they think Christianity is a joke and will almost NEVER come to Christ. We don't show them love! We don't offer them friendship.
After telling my friend that we were accidentally in the middle of Gay pride, she told me to stay away unless the Lord has driven me to minister to them. Again...neglect, distrust, hate, anger, condemnation and judgement LONG before saying "hello".
My eyes have been opened. I am hurting for these people. Of course, I do not agree with their behavior or the sin in their life. Heck, I am dealing with my own, but these are our brothers and sisters. Why aren't churches at Gay pride 2013 preaching the LOVE of Christ and reaching out to these people? Why do we judge them and label them unworthy because they have made.....pretty much the SAME mistakes as we have in the past and present? Sin is Sin. There is no sin greater than the other. It is ALL bad. Your lies do not make your sin less harmful or less punishable than homosexuality. It's all the same in the eyes of the Lord. We were once sinners too. Yet now we are saved. Homosexuals deserve the same opportunity. Why do we prevent them from tasting the goodness of the Lord?
CHRISTIANS! DISCIPLES! EVANGELISTS! MISSiONARIES! Whatever you may call yourself...have compassion on these people for they are PEOPLE. And you were once like them...lost and filled with worldly views. Please..take the time to spread the LOVE of Christ. There are a group of people down here on the coast who stand on the corner of the stoplights and preach judgement, death, hell and grave. They do not mention one thing about Christ's love for each of us. It's misleading and condemning. The Lord's wish is for EVERYONE to live forever with him in Heaven and not ONE of us to perish. Get it right. You gotta catch the fish before you can clean it. Ignorance will not guarantee you success.

Brandon Kraus
I just happened to look at older posts and saw the one that spoke about my ex boyfriend Brandon. His birthday is today.
Wow...so sad. It's so sad to know he's no longer here.

Long time no post.
I read a verse in the bible. It says,

"But wisdom is proved right by her actions." Matthew 11:19

Hmm...wisdom proved by my actions? How many do we know,(and can include ourselves) who say they are wise but a fool?
A lot has happened. I found out that I have symptoms of Uterine Fibroids. My doctor immediately supported surgery to remove these things. I think otherwise. Herbal medicine and diet, exercise will be the key. God's got it all under control.
John and I have moved into our own apartment. We now live in pensacola and on the other side of the town from my inlaws. We live closer to his Father.
I have enjoyed our space and working from home. It has been stressful because I am trying so hard to help us eat better. We ARE eating better. It just requires a lot of work and preparation. I try my best to avoid processed food. For example, we had pizza today. I made everything except the cheese and sauce. I had left over sauce so I used it, but the ingredients were easily pronounced. The sauce had nothing with 8 syllables. Haha.
My family in MS is doing well. My mother's medication needs to be changed again. She is in pain and trying to work while my father stays at home, unemployed and feeling guilty. Nothing has changed. Sometimes, I hate calling home to hear how they struggle with things. It could be avoided if my Father would only get a job.
I still do not speak with my brother Matthew. He has made no attempt to reconcile with me. I hardly think about it anymore. I expect no more from him. If he chooses to ignore me and avoid a relationship with me, then I have no choice but to accept it right?
I have no friends in Florida. Jesus and my husband are my only two friends.
My mother in law still troubles me. She has a lot of demons she is dealing with. I need to pray more for her. She reminds me so much of my own father.
That's about it. I'm about to start work but it is super cold today!

Ashley Brandon Kraus
Brandon Kraus...he was the love of my life at 18. Believe it or not, we never met. Online dating was the new ISH, and we made it work for four years. After that, it fell apart, he dated someone else and I moved on with hesitation.
He eventually contacted me again and told me he compared all of his girlfriends to me. I dont remember what I last said to him. The last time we spoke was in 2009.
My sister and I were talking about him and I decided to look him up on facebook.
Bing told me that he had an obituary.
I searched and searched online for answers, and Bing was correct.
Brandon Kraus and his fiance were riding a motorcycle and were struck by another vehicle. Brandon died in the hospital at 12 am. His fiance' survived. The article about the correction officer was dated for 2009 or either 2010.
I couldn't believe it. I just couldn't believe it.
I kept reading it over and over. I then started to search everywhere for any article that could tell me his DOB, where he was from. Unfortunately, I found out, and the growing fear turned into tears.
Brandon Kraus is dead.
He was only 28 years old.
I just couldn' wrap my mind around it. He died?
Now, at age 30, I am happily married yet I still mourned for him. I knew him intimately at one point in my life, and he was important.
I pray he knew Jesus as his Lord and Savior.
His fiance mourns to this day. I want to contact her, but I dont think I should.
It's been several days and I still sometimes think about how he passed away. His life was too short.
..............................I just dont know what else to say.

Halfway through!

Here I am!
I don't normally use livejournal anymore, but as I reminisced early this morning I thought-WAIT!
I have a LJ account, wonder what was on my mind, back in the day. Sadly, nothing was exciting. Rather boring actually and I was definitely very immature. I'm interested to read more. I linked this bad boy to facebook...and hopefully will start to use this more often. I will not disclose all of my thoughts, just some. Believe it or not, this is therapy. And I plan to use this free tool.

(no subject)
Yesterday, I went to church with my little brother, Marcus.
He hardly goes to church, so when I ask him if he wants to go and he says "yes". I take him. We got there late, but it was okay. I made him put our tithes into the tithe and offering box and we sat down, listened to praise and worship music. I sang and he watched. Over all, I think he had fun.
Our pastor was not in church this past Sunday. He and his family were out of town celebrating his 31st anniversary. Congratulations Pastor Rick and Vicky! Thirty-one years is quite a feat! So church was a little different this past weekend. We had JJ preach in Pastor Rick's place and I fully enjoyed his sermon.
I'm not sure how it works, but the Lord knows when you are ready to come back to him. He knows when you are not ready. Yesterday....as I sat listening to the sermon, something inside of me..moved.
JJ preached about releasing and giving our problems to God. How we are not strong enough, or smart enough to make decisions without God. He is right. I thought about what I have been doing these past couple of weeks. Trying to figure things out on my own. I've been trying to work out a plan on what John and I should do about moving, work, school, children, family, our health. Everything....but the entire time, I was thinking and planning, working on my own. When really, I should have consulted God first before I made ANY plans. This really hit me. I've been doing this wrong. I've been just like the Israelites, knowing the rules but disobeying. I can't live my life without God. I just can't do it. I tried working things out on my own and I always end up in the hospital. PVCs were my last attack on my person, due to stress and trying to handle life without my Heavenly Father. It's amazing to watch yourself stumble again and again and never succeed.
JJ pointed out a verse in Isaih 40:29-31 "29He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. 30Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall, 31but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength."

You mean, I'm going to fall and stumble? Make mistakes and get tired? Yeah, that's what the bible just said. In other words, we can't go through our lives without our God. He gives us strength. There was a sense of relief knowing that I can't do this on my own anymore. Then we learned of King Jehoshaphat, who lead his people to victory because he consulted the Lord FIRST before making any moves and OBEYED the word of the Lord after he was given instruction. He trusted the Lord wholeheartedly, and was rewarded for his obedience. He was delivered from his dilemma and encouraged from God himself, not to worry about his current situation. God tells him in 2Chronicles 20:15 "Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's."
I've fought too many battles without God and have lost. I won't do that again. I will try not to do it again, let me say that. I fall short of His Glory, this is why he has granted us salvation through his Son, Jesus Christ.
Today, I woke up and got my husband dressed for work. I made him breakfast, and sent him on his way. He called and we read the bible together. I told him about the verses in Zechariah that I was reading, and then I jumped back to the subject preached this past Sunday. I read the story of King Jehoshaphat and his victory over his enemies. And the more I read, the more enthralled I became with this King's obedience and TRUST in God. He encouraged his people to obey and worship God so that they might be victorious, and they were. They even carried away 3 days worth of spoils and rewards due to their obedience. I should apply this behavior to my every day life. Consult God before I do anything....and see the awesome results.
I hung up with John and began to weep. I cried, got on my knees and began to pray. Just saying His name over and over again was powerful. I could feel it. I wept and wept...sobbed and cried out. I told God earlier, I understand why the whore wept and cried at your feet when she saw you. I understand why she couldn't stop crying, and why she washed your feet with her tears and her hair. The Lord has convicted me and I want to obey Him. Thank you Jesus for everything in my life. "Can I have more of you?"

Writer's Block: Cover me
Pretty much everything you hear on the radio. Music sucks and these new "artists" as they are so called, have run out of ideas for good music. So they cover old tunes...everything is either a cover or revolving around sex. And our children are growing up with the idea that music like this is okay.

I listen to old school. All the time:)

I Forgot all about LJ
I forgot all about posting on LJ. LOL. Fancy that.
I could update. I read a journal back in the day, like 2005. Wow...my life sucked. Still sucks but Im trying to keep God close to me so I can at least feel bette and try to influence others to be strong.
Let's see...
Im married now, going on 7 months. Crazy about him! He's super sweet.
Still chubby.
Working too hard.
Wanting to go to college for nursing.

Wow...too tired to post. I'll try again later. LOL

(no subject)
I CANNOT BELIEVE THE BULLSHIT! It's ridiculous. Completely and totally ridiculous. I want to go home. But, im going to stay here in FL with my husband because I love him and I want to respect him. I dont want to talk about his mother and his sister. I wont talk about them. I will keep my mouth shut and respect my husband. I love him so so much. I may write about this or talk about this in another place.
His mom is walking around and pouting. She has locked herself up in her room because she is mad at the both of us. Most likely...me. I can handle that. I have no choice but to deal with it. What hurts me the most is my husband going through the exact same thing that I had to go through when my parents would not let me go. They gave me hell. I was alone, but then I was NOT alone. I had God with me, and Monica. God helped me through a lot of it. I made it! Im a stronger person. I hope I can help my husband cope with this and we work on this together. Its going to take my love and support to help John teach his mom to treat him as a human being....A GROWN MAN!!! She wants John to stay a child forever. Our marriage won't work if he does not grow and learn how to function on his own without his mother. He knows this. And he is willing to learn, to mature. Im so happy! What makes me sad, is the fact that his mother is alienating him because he does not live at home. It hurts me....pisses me off more than anything, but it hurts.
She won't even let her children share their personal belongings between them because it will cause TURMOIL??? Really?? And because my husband does not live at home with her, he and Chris aren't allowed to share anything. We are a state away. It's ridiculous. Very selfish and we both do not approve. Our children won't be raised this way. I was not raised this way. I am so happy that my parents have not raised us to be this selfish.
John's family won't even share their food. They act funny about who eats what. If someone were to eat their food, then an argument ensues. It's disgusting and I wont take part in that. I wont be visiting any time soon. I need to stay away.
I told myself I would not be the reason John had a crappy weekend with his folks. It happened anyways. His mom ruins our weekend here. So this is the last time I will visit. The next time, he will visit on his own.
Superbowl weekend...and I feel so uncomfortable being here. I want to go home. I want to go home. I dont feel welcome. I dont feel welcome at all. I want him to give the cell phone back, but he wont. So....blah.


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